“I made you to be a mom”, said God.

After six days of Hailey being really sick and dealing with her tantrums, and diving into every topic in the book Good Inside - while also parenting alone - I came to many thoughts in my mind when I was in the thick of her throwing things at home, and not sleeping well at night. Nothing I was doing was making it better for her.

I found myself isolated and alone in my thoughts of how much I hated being a mom right now. The season I am walking in is an empty blank space with no fruits growing - only weathered branches, all shrivelled and dried up.

If the Lord is my branch, I am barely hanging onto it or the branch has fallen onto the dead grass.

This can’t be my life. 

I am also pregnant with my second child. By the time, I can do something for myself, I will be in my 40s. This cloudy thought gloomed over my head and rain came pouring down.  

As I am writing this today, the Lord has blessed me with 3 consecutive days of sunshine - knowing this is the best gift I can receive. 

I walked with Him, and wrestle with the thought when I heard him said:

“I made you to be a mom”. 

Groan. I liked to think of myself as a working woman. I love sales. I love finding and creating new brands. If this isn’t it, then why did God gifted me this sales skill.

I am sitting here with curiosity and wondering how can I simply embrace motherhood - it can be mind-numbing bored.

Where is God asking me to be creative in this season? Replacing my old workaholic self to a season of selling and marketing motherhood activities, persuading the only buyer who is me, that I am made for this journey.